There are a myriad of reasons why long-distance relationships are more visible and common nowadays; more and more people are traveling for work and school, as well as the increased popularity of online relationships. The problem with these, though is how much more difficult it can be to maintain and build upon. Often times, people do not realize just how valuable it can be to have your partner right in front of you during serious discussions, or next to you at night while sleeping. A long distance relationship requires serious commitment and determination to make it work.
Set your Relationship Expectations
One thing that can be the source of a lot of disagreements and confusion is the level of commitment in the relationship. It is important that you both sit down and discuss your expectations before making any kind of decisions about the relationship. Both partners need to be on the same page as to whether you are in a serious, committed relationship, dating, friends with benefits, or casual and non-exclusive. Also, set a deadline of sorts, as to how long you will maintain the long distance. No one wants to be in an LDR indefinitely! Outline your future as much as you can now, because a lack of clarity here will lead you into serious trouble, and quickly.
Establish Trust (and keep it)
Trusting your partner is one of the most important things you can do in a long distance relationship. You both still need to maintain your own social lives, and you need to trust that your partner is doing the right thing. (Innocent until proven guilty ring a bell?) Odds are, you probably haven’t met all of their friends and co-workers, and we all make new friends as time goes on, right? It does not necessarily mean that any new friend of the opposite sex is interested in them, so take some deep breaths and remember why they chose YOU! They also need to give you that same amount of trust in return, because jealously and mistrust are a surefire ticket to splits Ville.
Schedule, Schedule, Schedule!
Living in two different cities (and sometimes different time zones) makes scheduling time together of the utmost importance. Whether its by phone, Skype, email, or actual visits, you and your partner need to agree on times that work for you both and stick to them as best you can. Obviously, there will be sometimes when a scheduled Skype call just isn’t possible, and be understanding of that, unless it starts to become a pattern. Some ideas to set up could include:
- Weekly Skype chats
- Visits every 1-3 months, alternating who goes where to save money for you both
- Phone movie dates – you both agree on a movie to watch and either watch it by phone together, or schedule a call for afterwards to talk about it
- Use good old fashioned snail mail to send each other letters and tokens once a month that can be keepsakes later
- Surprise them with your visit! Don’t tell them you are coming and enlist any of their friends or family to help make it happen
Avoid Outside Influences
I cannot stress the importance of this enough: don’t let outsiders influence any of your decisions or opinions on your relationship. Many people cringe when they hear the term ‘long-distance relationship’, a lot of times because they ARE so difficult to keep going. But just because it didn’t work for some people, doesn’t mean it wont work for others. Only you know how much effort you are willing to put into the relationship, and how long you are willing to be in a long distance relationship. Do not let anyone try to tell you what’s best for you, or your partner.
