Lachido Im Haunted By An Old Love?

Lachido Im Haunted By An Old Love?

What is Love?  Most of us know what it is NOT.  It’s not always on time or in our time.  It is not always simple, although sometimes it is.  It says one thing and means another and it always disappoints us at one time or another.

So the real question is, why is it that we can’t live without it?  Writers write about it. Singers sing about it and if we’re lucky, it is the first impression we have of this world.

Although some of us don’t welcome love into our lives–sometimes others remain haunted by it and are too scared to move on with their lives because they are constantly reminded of their ghosts of ex boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s past.

Dating Tip # 1: Get Rid of Past Mementos
Photos, holiday cards and even that bottle of perfume he bought for you can actually open up old wounds  and continue to remind you of negative emotions associated with your ex. Clean out your apartment, car, and office of all mementos and objects you associate with your former partner. If you can’t part with them, give them to a friend who will keep it away for you in storage.

Dating Tip # 2: Release Your Inner Anger
If you are consistently haunted by an ex lover, you most likely have unresolved anger towards them. That’s okay, but if you don’t deal with the residual anger constructively, you can’t let go of your past. The most essential part of exorcising your ex from your mind and your heart is to release the inner demons. Try writing a really honest and angry letter to that person – and then throw it away. Or go to the quietest and isolated location  where no one can hear or see you and yell at him or her at the top of your lungs until you’ve said absolutely everything you need to say and have gotten it all off your chest.

Dating Tip # 3: Throw Out Every Mariah Carey Album You Own
From my own personal experience, listening to Mariah Carey’s sappy love ballads towards her exes do not and will not help the healing process of getting over an ex-lover.  Almost all of her albums focus on break ups–the same goes for Adele.

Dating Tip # 4: Stop Embracing The “Old You”
Sometimes when we carry old wounds, we behave in the present as if that relationship or situation is still going on. Your current partner may find him or herself in a relationship with “the old you” rather than the improved, evolved person you should be aiming to be. Live in the present, examine your current relationships and situation, and change your behaviour to fit the way things actually are right now.

Dating Tip # 5: Seek A Professional Therapist
If you are really feeling distressed, angry, or upset, or if you feel as if the past is preventing you from moving on, I strongly encourage you to enlist the assistance the ultimate exorcist: a relationship counsellor or therapist. Another person’s perspective can help you move on with your life so you can live a happy life without being constantly haunted by your past.

Lachido The Pitfalls of a Valentine Day Gift

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen couples fight about Valentine’s Day gifts. What you got, what you didn’t get, what you wanted, what was EXPECTED. And that is the problem right there. Between corporations looking to capitalize, and social pressures, we have come to have certain expectations for our valentines gifts. Allow me to explain…


Valentines day gossip gifts

You have lunch with your girlfriends. Its mid January. The conversation eventually gets around to everyone’s plans for Valentine’s Day. One pal mentions that her and her b/f are going down to Mexico for a week, all inclusive. Which is fine.

Then she casually throws in that it’s his gift to her. Suddenly, almost like a gust of wind, the tone changes. Now each girl at the table with a boyfriend is asking herself the same general thing:

“Why isn’t so-and-so doing something like that for me?” or “I wish so-and-so would do something like that for me…”

Even though logically, they know WHY it wouldn’t be happening. Whether its financial, time off work, or whatever, you know why you boyfriend might not be going that wild for valentines day. Mabye he just doesn’t believe in showing such a ridiculous amount of affection on one specific day and shows you love throughout the year. Either way, you still get that pang of jealousy.

Society is so concerned with status and what other people have, that when we don’t have the same things, we automatically feel pressured to strive for them. Which, in some ways is great. But not when it comes to love. You simply cannot compare your relationship to another one, it won’t work. There’s different situations, dynamics and emotions involved. The sooner you acknowledge and accept this, the healthier your relationship will get.

Valentines day gifts healthy relationship

The only person you have to make happy in a relationship is your partner. When you are planning a gift for them, there’s really only two things to consider:

What THEY want. Yeah you may end up on a weekend getaway that you would not necessarily choose for yourself. But you love you significant other, and really, the holiday isn’t about what you are doing, it’s who you are doing it with. Also, don’t buy them something you would want, or, if you live together, something ‘householdy.’ That’s a trip straight to the doghouse.

Valentines day gifts food and wine

Income/Finances. Ok, so you you know you and your partner would love to go to that food and wine festival 5 hours away. But can your finances take the hit? Especially if the trip involves taking time off work. Could you even afford to take a day off, depending on what the gift was? Consider your income when choosing a gift, don’t put yourself in the poorhouse trying to impress them. You already have them, and if they truly love you, they’ll realize that its the thought that counts.
As a gift receiver, be aware of these things as well, and accept them. As long as your partner puts effort and thought into your gift, that’s all that is important. Keep in mind too that you and your friends may move in different income brackets, so comparison of gifts is a really horrible idea.

At the end of the day, don’t let societal pressures make you feel like you and your sweetheart don’t have good enough Valentine’s plans. No one knows the true story of your relationship but YOU, and as long as you to keep each other happy, one single gift on a corporate cash grab of a holiday won’t change a thing.

Lachido Fight Fair Without Playing the Blame Game

Admit it, we have all had a fight or two with our partners where we haven’t exactly played fair, whether its by bringing up a past argument, or walking away before the fight has been settled. These kinds of fights can happen, but the problem is when ALL of your fights turn out like this. A relationship should always be 50/50, and when a person starts bringing name calling, or passing the blame off themselves onto the partner, the relationship clearly isn’t equal.

Where does the attitude come from? Usually, it stems from a fear of losing control. The fight could feel so large that they are afraid of where it might end up, and so the best idea at that point, is to blame someone else.The fear and frustration has to get out somehow, and unfortunately, it ends up directed at the people we care the most about.  The best thing you can do in that situation is to stop and think: “Is this the person the real reason I am upset right now? What has really caused my bad mood?” If it’s not your partner, maybe you need to leave the room and take some alone time, to prevent a disagreement.

*Did you know: the act of blaming can trigger a burst of adrenalin in your body.*
In today’s society, if we don’t have someone or something to blame, we don’t feel that we can learn or grow. Its like in grade school when they tell you, ‘You have to make mistakes to learn.” This implies that there needs to be a catalyst to learn or improve from.  We have been taught this from such a young age, it seems natural as an adult to think that in order to improve your relationship, there needs to be a mistake made.  This is totally not true! You do not need any sort of action or situation to occur in order to better yourself! Have you ever read an educational book, just for fun? Have you ever done an activity just because you felt like it, and were surprised that you learned something? The same thing applies to relationships! You can make your relationship better without having a flaw to pick at.

Here are a few basic tips on how to fight fair in an argument:


Take responsibility
Accept that an argument takes two people, and try to understand how you have contributed to the current problem. You may not think that you started it, or even that you’ve done anything wrong, but acknowledging to your partner that you may have exacerbated the fight can help calm both parties down. As long as you don’t say it in a patronizing way, that is. Also, don’t threaten to end the relationship over one fight, or argue just so that you can win the argument. Sometimes, even if you are right, the best course of action is to let the person vent and let the fight die out on its own. Try to be respectful of your partner’s point of view, even if you do not necessarily agree with it. Respect and Responsibility can go a long way to smoothing over even the biggest fights.

Avoid Name Calling
Name calling is the worst and most immature thing you can do when fighting with your partner. Remember, names will never hurt you, but they can make people question your maturity level. Which will lead to the question, “Are they mature enough to handle an adult relationship?” Even using a pet name for your partner sarcastically can be considered immature, so its best to either use their actual name, or dont use one at all.

Dont Talk Down
Talking down to your partner can cause them to feel that you don’t view them as an equal. When you talk down to someone, it implies that you view them as inferior, stupid, or childish. This is not the way you want your relationship to go, so try to avoid using certain tones of voice or vocabulary when fighting. Talking condescendingly and attacking your partner personally won’t solve the current problem, and it makes you look low. Relationships are all about equality, remember?

Leave the past in the past
Arguments from months past still leaving you raw? DON’T bring them up in the heat of another argument. Letting issues pile and pile up until they burst out during a completely unrelated fight are a sure way to cause long-term problems. You are simply adding more fuel to an already growing flame, and it may get to the point where you can’t put it out. It is going to put your partner on the defense, and they will likely come back out swinging with mistakes that YOU have made. You are better off focusing on the issue at hand, and saving any lingering past problems for another time.

Lachido Make Your Text And Online Relationship Reality

Do you remember when you first received a date via text message?
It was new and exciting and it probably occurred before the final episode of Sex And The City aired.
You saved it, cherished it and showed it to all your pals and held your phone like it was a trophy that deserved to be on a pedestal.

However, these days it seems like we have taken advantage of the convenience text messages have given us and have become slaves to the
laziness of pursuing or even breaking up with our romantic interests through text message, BBM and online.

Do you think I sound crazy?  Just think about it for a second. How many times have you started a relationship through texting?
How many times have you been broken up with over a text?  I bet you don’t want to admit it’s a number above zero and it most likely is.

It’s tragic but society has embraced the convenience of text messaging and because of that we have also unfortunately embraced infidelity,
booty calls and lack of physical contact because of it. To much of a good thing is never good and because of that we have become text-savvy robots in our real-life relationships.


Online Relationship Flaws
What has the world come to??

If you must put your feelings into words, make sure it comes from your own handwriting.  If you want to know how somebody’s day is,
pick up your phone and call them if you need to break up with someone, please do so in person.

The more we keep embracing texting into our love lives, the more egotistical and superficial we will become– which will make it even
that much harder to find someone who we can spend the rest of our lives with.

Don’t let your textuality take over your thoughts, emotions and actions in your every day lives. Life is too short to be hiding behind your iPhones and Blackberrys.

Lachido The Science of Attraction

The Science of Attraction (And The Rule of Opposites)

The old saying that ‘opposites attract’ has been around for years. But is it really true?  Because there’s also the saying that ‘Birds of a feather flock together’. So which could it be, and is it possible that both can apply to relationships?

Surprising news; mabye neither apply! Our attraction may actually depend on your attachment style. According to recent studies, there are 4 different types of attachments in adults: secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissive–avoidant, and fearful–avoidant (which tend to be combined into simply Avoidant.)

Not Sure which you are? Take a test here and find out!

Secure people tend to be comfortable slipping into relationships, and usually have a history of warm and responsive interactions with their partners. They have good outlooks on relationships and are not afraid to be alone or attached.

Anxious- preoccupied people tend to look for extremely high levels of intimacy in their relationships, and can usually have low self-esteem, and a fear that their partner will leave. So much so that they become preoccupied with the fear that one wrong move will incite a break up.

People who fall into the Dismissive- Avoidant category are the type who value their independence greatly, and also can be very defensive. They view themselves as not being needy and are quite proud of it, sometimes even avoiding relationships altogether as uneccessary.

The Fearful- Avoidant personalities are uncomfortable getting close to others, even though they may want to be. They crave, and fear intimacy at the same time. A lot of people of this type have been abused, or suffered significant losses in their lives.

A lot of people can subconsciously pick someone of an opposing attachment style as a way to ‘balance’ them out.  Which is where the ‘opposites attract’ theory applies. A shy person may end up with a more outgoing person, and the shy person may be great with money, whereas the outgoing person is horrible at it. In these situations, a good balance is found.

And just because you aren’t alike in personality, doesn’t mean you aren’t similar in other ways, such as age, beliefs, education, nationality. Which is where we get to ‘Birds of a Feather Flock Together.’ You may think you are complete opposites, but there must have been some similarities to attract you to each other. So it would appear that both statements apply almost equally.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter whether you are polar opposites or two peas in a pod. What matters is how you handles your differences and adjust to them to complement each other as a couple. Remember to be open and accepting of each others differences, and embrace them. When you love someone, you love everything about them, good and bad.

Lachido Long Distance Love

Long Distance Love

There are a myriad of reasons why long-distance relationships are more visible and common nowadays; more and more people are traveling for work and school, as well as the increased popularity of online relationships. The problem with these, though is how much more difficult it can be to maintain and build upon. Often times, people do not realize just how valuable it can be to have your partner right in front of you during serious discussions, or next to you at night while sleeping.  A long distance relationship requires serious commitment and determination to make it work.

Set your Relationship Expectations

One thing that can be the source of a lot of disagreements and confusion is the level of commitment in the relationship. It is important that you both sit down and discuss your expectations before making any kind of decisions about the relationship. Both partners need to be on the same page as to whether you are in a serious, committed relationship, dating, friends with benefits, or casual  and non-exclusive. Also, set a deadline of sorts, as to how long you will maintain the long distance. No one wants to be in an LDR indefinitely! Outline your future as much as you can now, because a lack of clarity here will lead you into serious trouble, and quickly.

Establish Trust (and keep it)

Trusting your partner is one of the most important things you can do in a long distance relationship. You both still need to maintain your own social lives, and you need to trust that your partner is doing the right thing. (Innocent until proven guilty ring a bell?) Odds are, you probably haven’t met all of their friends and co-workers, and we all make new friends as time goes on, right? It does not necessarily mean that any new friend of the opposite sex is interested in them, so take some deep breaths and remember why they chose YOU! They also need to give you that same amount of trust in return, because jealously and mistrust are a surefire ticket to splits Ville.

Schedule, Schedule, Schedule!

Living in two different cities (and sometimes different time zones) makes scheduling time together of the utmost importance. Whether its by phone, Skype, email, or actual visits, you and your partner need to agree on times that work for you both and stick to them as best you can. Obviously, there will be sometimes when a scheduled Skype call just isn’t possible, and be understanding of that, unless it starts to become a pattern. Some ideas to set up could include:

• Weekly Skype chats
• Visits every 1-3 months, alternating who goes where to save money for you both
• Phone movie dates – you both agree on a movie to watch and either watch it by phone together, or schedule a call for afterwards to talk about it
• Use good old fashioned snail mail to send each other letters and tokens once a month that can be keepsakes later
• Surprise them with your visit! Don’t tell them you are coming and enlist any of their friends or family to help make it happen

Avoid Outside Influences

I cannot stress the importance of this enough: don’t let outsiders influence any of your decisions or opinions on your relationship. Many people cringe when they hear the term ‘long-distance relationship’, a lot of times because they ARE so difficult to keep going. But just because it didn’t work for some people, doesn’t mean it wont work for others. Only you know how much effort you are willing to put into the relationship, and how long you are willing to be in a long distance relationship. Do not let anyone try to tell you what’s best for you, or your partner.

Lachido Making Living Together Work

Once the honeymoon is over, the typical things co-habituating couples fight about have to deal with money and sex.  However, when you live with someone and are comfortable with them, you can begin to bicker about the small things and that can put a damper on the romance and passion you need in order to survive the relationship.


Here are some key dating tips and triggers for silly fights between lovers who live together:

Battling Over The Remote Control

There definitely needs to be some kind of form of compromising when it comes to remote control power struggles.  Women fight to watch their pointless reality shows. Men watch to see their team attempt to win the Stanley Cup. However, when you are both fighting over monopolizing the TV, simply get PVR and call it a day.

The Deadly Dutch Oven Rule

Remember the first time you passed gas in front of your partner? Remember how funny it was at the time? Well, months or years into your relationship that changes one’s views of farting in bed.  You get angry when it happens instead.  Even if you try enforcing a “no farting in bed” rule, it’s impossible to maintain.  Your partner may fart while they sleep or maybe they ate fast food that night.  So unless it’s intentional, you should just hold your breath until the gas passes.

The Fight Over Getting Ready To Go Out

It’s rare that both partners in a relationship take the same amount of time to get ready when they have to go out.  The man can usually get ready in less than five minutes, while the woman seems to take forever.  This only leads to fighting because the man usually starts nagging the woman to hurry up.  Unfortunately that sets up the mood for the night.  To avoid this, set a deadline right off the bat.  So if your partner needs to be ready for 6pm, say 5:30–that way you won’t be late and will leave right at 6pm.

The Feud Over The Thermostat

Men like it colder and women like it hotter. It’s not really a scientific fact, but I’m just going by statistics.  However, if you have to pay hydro, then the women who are constantly cold should layer up instead of adding more to the bill. Not only is it better for the environment, it’s also better for your relationship.

The Assembling Furniture Argument

Have you ever tried to assemble furniture from IKEA with a significant other? Did your relationship survive the fight afterward? Couples should never, ever attempt to assemble furniture together–plain and simple. Flip a coin and assemble the furniture in two separate rooms.



Everyone who lives with their partner can relate to these issues.  Try to avoid pointless fighting that can cause stain on your relationship by flipping these problems around to make your environment a more loveable place to live.