The Science of Attraction (And The Rule of Opposites)
The old saying that ‘opposites attract’ has been around for years. But is it really true? Because there’s also the saying that ‘Birds of a feather flock together’. So which could it be, and is it possible that both can apply to relationships?
Surprising news; mabye neither apply! Our attraction may actually depend on your attachment style. According to recent studies, there are 4 different types of attachments in adults: secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissive–avoidant, and fearful–avoidant (which tend to be combined into simply Avoidant.)
Not Sure which you are? Take a test here and find out!
Secure people tend to be comfortable slipping into relationships, and usually have a history of warm and responsive interactions with their partners. They have good outlooks on relationships and are not afraid to be alone or attached.
Anxious- preoccupied people tend to look for extremely high levels of intimacy in their relationships, and can usually have low self-esteem, and a fear that their partner will leave. So much so that they become preoccupied with the fear that one wrong move will incite a break up.
People who fall into the Dismissive- Avoidant category are the type who value their independence greatly, and also can be very defensive. They view themselves as not being needy and are quite proud of it, sometimes even avoiding relationships altogether as uneccessary.
The Fearful- Avoidant personalities are uncomfortable getting close to others, even though they may want to be. They crave, and fear intimacy at the same time. A lot of people of this type have been abused, or suffered significant losses in their lives.
A lot of people can subconsciously pick someone of an opposing attachment style as a way to ‘balance’ them out. Which is where the ‘opposites attract’ theory applies. A shy person may end up with a more outgoing person, and the shy person may be great with money, whereas the outgoing person is horrible at it. In these situations, a good balance is found.
And just because you aren’t alike in personality, doesn’t mean you aren’t similar in other ways, such as age, beliefs, education, nationality. Which is where we get to ‘Birds of a Feather Flock Together.’ You may think you are complete opposites, but there must have been some similarities to attract you to each other. So it would appear that both statements apply almost equally.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter whether you are polar opposites or two peas in a pod. What matters is how you handles your differences and adjust to them to complement each other as a couple. Remember to be open and accepting of each others differences, and embrace them. When you love someone, you love everything about them, good and bad.
